6 Jun 2009 :: Olfactory Offended
Surprise to nobody, but on a daily basis I smell fairly terrible, thanks to being committed to biking everywhere. You'll appreciate my self, er, national-serving cause when the world is a better place because I'm the authoritarian and benign dictator of all things, thank-you-very-much, but that would be a major digression so I'm not going there.
Point is, I get incredibly sweaty while on epic bicycle commutes, mountain bike rides or cigar runs. Currently my belief is that when I'm riding a 39x15 at approximately 105 rpm, my teats lactate, as sheer exhaustion causes the nipple sphincter to go slack, and this combines with aromatic back sweat in the strange currents caused by sparse and random patches of back hair.
It boils, boils, toils and troubles into a funky, embarrassing scent that doesn't immediately accost an individual, but waits until they are at their weakest to take them out at the knees. Normally this aroma accompanies me to class work, but I switched up to my non-waterproof bagsack recently, so instead this combustible bouquet is absorbed by the bag, which has a variety of salt rings that stand as a metamorphosing monument to the drenching downpour that is my epidermal envelope and recently, a purchase requires a swivel in the chest, a bagsack slipped around, and me dry-heaving as I breathe in the rot.
Note to self: wash the freaking backpack But who washes backpacks? |
