11 Mar 2009 :: flash explosion
My mother's attempts to get me dating, married and with grandchildren on the way is well documented. The newest chapter in this book came from an interesting source. As can be common, I was in dialogue with Sarah over the intertube/web and she relayed an entirely unintelligible story to me that had all the potential of being hilarious. I surveyed, inspected, panicked, surveyed and generally asked questions and got only one facebook friend out of the whole ordeal.
Months ago, my mother mentioned that she had been talking to one of her church-going friends who happened to have a daughter that I could have babysat in high school. I knew this would be going no where good. Of course, mother and this other lady were trying to hook us up and my own mother was gauging my own interest. At this point in the story, my mother should be referred to as catalases and the mother who apparently wants to doom her daughter to a lifetime of disappointed tears as peroxidases.
Before delving further into this rapidly lengthening story, I should mention that I will never accept a blind date of any type, especially from catalases, not only because it is exceedingly awkward, but also extremely pathetic. I'd rather die a very cold, lonely and depressed man.
As it was, I deftly shot down the plotting of catalases and peroxidases and moved on with my rather dull life, which is full with enough relationship failures to warrant further exclusion of catalases' attempts to make it worse. Then, several months later, a friend of this said girl, who we will call hydrogen peroxide, and the girl, who we shall call hydroquinone, were debating whether to add me on facebook for entirely inexplicable reasons. While they debated this fairly dubious decision, hydrogen peroxide relayed the complex uncertainty to her friend Sarah (water) who was overjoyed that this mystery man was one who she was currently frotting.
As it were, catalases and peroxidases had lined the situation to the point when hydroquinone and hydrogen peroxide combined, under the influence of water, it created a flash explosion and the expulsion of a liquid comparable to boiling water that both dismayed and slightly disfigured the target. As captivated as I was by this fairly huge stretch across church and facebook, some of the flavor was lost due to the fact that I was the target. |
