10 Feb 2009  ::  Disfunction Junction
Recently, I've been struggling with depression* and so I talked to a counselor and after a long discussion about where my life was going and whether there was any purpose in continuing it, he pointed out that he was already five minutes late to lunch and gave me this chart:

From stuff

As you might imagine, it has changed my life completely. As you might imagine, seeing this had helped me to realize just how pathetic most aspects of my life are becoming and how I could have handled not making the jr. varsity bowling team a bit better, rather than lining the coach's undies with scabies.

I've fought against the profound loneliness that pounds against my consciousness like a pregnant woman down the stairs and I've sought to try to avoid self destructive behaviors like regularly updating this blog like people care.

In the rare moments of clarity, I can manage to overlook the hair that grows from the mole on my right arm, or the plethora of moles that for some reason decided to populate my face, and reintegrate my feeling of loss into something positive, which creates change, which produces feelings of shock and numbness, starting the cycle all over again.

The point is that everyone is going to struggle and doubt themselves, sometimes for really stupid reasons. I do this all the time when I can't get a consistent draw to pick up 9-10 splits, so believe me when I say I understand. I understand.**

The chart has helped me so much, so much that the counselor doesn't bother answering my calls. I'm calling it a TKO.


*Not really, but I needed a premise for the chart.
** I just don't care.

Where's the part of the chart that says, "There be dragons here" ?

Comment added on 10 Feb 2009 by Emily

Wow. That chart is amazing. I went through all of that and came out on top (minus the devolution into drugs, alcohol, sexuality). It could stand some cleaning up as it took me a minute to figure my way through the maze of peaks and valleys. That said, it really states the evolution quite well. Awesome find.

But i agree with Emily--when do we meet the dragons? There are a whole bunch more issues I need to deal with once we reach that stage.

Comment added on 10 Feb 2009 by Patrick

I don't really know how to take this blog and the accompanying chart. It's funny, though. I never seem to make it past the ship stage. I find myself just reinventing myself and putting everything in a nice little black box in the back of my mind where I don't have to think about it, and start all over.
Is that reintegration?

Comment added on 11 Feb 2009 by Liir

Once you start making dysfunctional choices there's no going back. Sexuality, drugs and rock n roll... I mean alcohol, which isn't a drug. Who uses the word "sexuality"? It's the same guy that cuts out crappy clip art ships to photocopy onto his even crappier diagram. Whoever made this should get punched in the face.

Comment added on 11 Feb 2009 by Jeremy

I have hair that grows from the mole on my right arm (I pluck it). Also, I resent the pregnant lady comment.

Comment added on 16 Feb 2009 by Andrea