18 Jan 2009  ::  A Paul Breakdown
On Thursday night, I found myself at John Henry's with Stacy, Will and Ems, for 80's Night. This is a fairly common occurrence, which is usually based around 1.5-2 hours of funny smells, stupid dancing and lots and lots and lots of sweat. Which is awesome.

This particular evening featured a small girl with really dark hair who was really hot dancing in our vicinity for the majority of the evening. In my life, if a girl is small and has dark hair the battle is almost halfway over. I'm not going to bore anyone with the details, but as we were leaving I remarked on the circumstances to Ems, who replied with a remark similar to this; "And she looked like she was fourteen."

This bothered me, as I don't want to be a guy who targets younger ladies, so I slapped together this chart showing my respective age to the age of the girls I've dated/kissed/frotted.

From Blog Pictures

Notes on chart:

1. Teenagers are stupid. No matter how pretty or fun an individual is to be around, dating a girl named Polly was a complete failure in foresight.
2. I have the longest relationships with girls between 19-21. My personal hypothesis on this is that at 21 they can go places that were previously forbidden and quickly discover they can do better.
3. I've dated/kissed/frotted four girls- two over my current age at the time (presumably they still are) and two that are younger. I'm counting this as evidence that I find all ages equally attractive.

I also have a low dating/kissing/frotting count at my age, but that is because I get really attached to the individuals I'm with. A good example of this is when I dated Sophie for nearly four days and it took me about two months before I was ready to date Katelyn (part II). This chart hopefully conveys what I hoped to express with words.

From Blog Pictures

Trends:

1. Right now I'm on the cusp; if I date someone older next, then I think I have a normal age to age dating ratio, if the girl ends up being 19 again, then I have problems.
2. Throwing out Polly, as she was included for the amusement of readers, Crystal broke up with me and married a guy, Sophie is now in a relationship. I expect Katelyn to follow suit. Ideally, Katelyn marries the next man she dates while Sophie marries the current man-friend. Then, combined with my roomie streak, I feel like I could say that after anyone spends an extended period with me, they feel compelled to marry someone else.

Somehow, reading this has shattered the goodness that was my New Year's Day. I'm counting today as New Year's Day as it's the first genuinely good day I've had since Christmas, and the second since the beginning of the school year. It makes me want to marry someone else just to prove your point, but then I remember that I can't get married in the first place and have bigger problems.

Comment added on 19 Jan 2009 by Liir, Formerly Fox

I think the next step is establishing a trend line, finding it's slope and then deriving your current lech-range.

Comment added on 19 Jan 2009 by Sweet Caroline

If we weight the average age vs. your age it's significantly lower. It's ok to snog younger chicks, as long as they are old enough.

Comment added on 19 Jan 2009 by -erick

Umm.. are you sure, Erick? I'll throw out Sophie/Polly for short duration. 3.5 years with Crystal at one year younger and 2-ish years with Katelyn, who is six years younger means I have girlfriend average of slightly less than 3 years younger than me. Age differentials in marriage are about 2-4 years, so I'm pretty average at this point.

Comment added on 19 Jan 2009 by Paul

This is the most ridiculous post I have read from you thus far, and it's unusually tempting to try and find the area under your dating curve. Thanks for making me want to do calculus, jerk.

Being single at 27 doesn't mean anything. I don't know why you're so desperate to get married or hop into another relationship, especially if you just got out of one. You should probably tell your ovaries to relax.

Comment added on 19 Jan 2009 by Sarah

Men who like younger women are by no means unusual. It's been the standard to have a younger partner for hundreds of years, and is totally average. This is why "cougars" are such anomalies that we have entire TV shows dedicated to them.

Comment added on 20 Jan 2009 by Emily

Looks like someone just wanted to get all nerdy with Exel.

Comment added on 20 Jan 2009 by Mash

This post was fantastic. Well done. I think Pauly and Polly would have been a great couple to refer to... or at least a great new TV drama about a crime fighting pirate and his sidekick parrot.
I think you need to date someone about 3-4 years older than you to help balance out all this stuff. Go over to the Law School and you could probably find the right type.

Comment added on 20 Jan 2009 by kev kev

I think age is, for the most part, a non-relevant number. What's more important is the person and their maturity level. Some people are "young" 21s and some are "old" 21s. Kevin and I are 4 years apart, but it feels like we're the same age, so I guess in this particular case our age numbers just mean he'll get more gray hairs sooner. In college I dated a guy who was 4 years older than me, and I swear I was more mature than him, and i felt older. So I guess it just depends on the person.

Comment added on 20 Jan 2009 by Andrea